I used to be a “take off your shoes” mom, where I had a rule that everybody needed to take their shoes off before coming in the house. I never thought this was unreasonable, as it kept me from having to clean the floors every time my boys, and their friends, came in and out. Many people I know have this rule.
Nobody ever followed it though! Every once in a while they would surprise me, but most other times they would pretend it never existed. For so long, it would frustrate me, and I would fuss at them for not following the “policy”. I would start by gently reminding them to take their shoes off, and then as the hours and days would pass, the reminder would not be as gentle. I would think “they couldnt have forgotten about this rule as many times as I have reminded them. Are they just blatantly disregarding it? If they respect me, they would simply take their shoes off!”. Maybe they never realized that it was important to me. I will never know.
Although not easy to do, in recent years I have just come to accept it and let it go! They are smart enough not to track mud through my house and in the rare instance that they make a mess, they clean it up. My family simply prefers to wear shoes and feels more comfortable walking around with them.
Why does this matter, might you ask? It seems like something so insignificant. Well, it may be, but it matters to me because my boys have gotten much older now, and I have realized how fast that time goes by. I want them to be comfortable while they are here with me in my home, before they go off to create their own. If there is one less thing I can fuss at them about while they are here, and certainly for something unnecessary and somewhat insignificant, I will take it.
You may already know the story if you have read my book, Pain with Purpose, but my family was divided for six long years, and I am grateful every day that we are back together. As a result, I often say “yes” to whatever experience is that we want to do so we can enjoy this time while it lasts, and this is one of a few examples of things I can control to reduce friction and stress in our household.
I want my boys to look back on their childhood as an enjoyable one, and remember the fun times we had, the vacations we took, the meals we cooked, and our Christmas traditions. If they are willing to give me even 5 minutes if their time now, I take it as I don’t get nearly as much as I used to. I don’t want my kids to think of me as the mom with all the rules that forced them to take their shoes off.
Maybe for you this isn’t about shoes. Maybe you don’t have that rule, or your family follows it so it isn’t a big deal. Is there something else that may feel like an unnecessary rule, and one that causes you and your family a lot of stress? If not, that is great! If so, I would encourage you to challenge yourself to consider how important it is.
As we approach the new year, I want to pause and reflect on the many milestones we achieved - my oldest son got his first job andam going to consider any other “rules” that may be hindering our family. I want to make sure that I am the best mom that I can be.
I used to be a take your shoes off kind of mom, but not anymore.
I thank God for getting us though 2020, and am ready to start 2021 with a fresh start and as few rules as possible. Happy New Year!
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