For all you moms and dads of young kiddos....
I am a bit overdue for a parenting blog as I have been focused the last few months on writing about things like surviving the pandemic, career blessings, and keeping your faith. This is certainly a topic that I struggle with as many do and I don’t consider myself an expert by any means, but I have learned a few things along the way and one of them is to try to say “yes” more than no.
I can tell you that in most cases, I would prefer to say no as it is usually the easier, safer, and less costly option. I say that as I am sitting in a theme park right now that I said “yes” to, fitting it in between commitments in serving at my church and various other weekend activities that I now won’t get to do (like relaxing for a few hours before the hectic work week starts up again tomorrow).
I have two teenage boys that like to do things that take a lot of time, are costly, or in some cases dangerous (the request is rarely for something that only takes a few minutes, is inexpensive, or safe). They weren’t always teenagers though and it feels like yesterday when they weren’t. They are now young men preparing to live life on their own in a few short years. As much as the days when they were little were frustrating at times - the tantrums, arguing, and dirty rooms (much of which still applies I might add) - I miss those times dearly and honestly can’t figure out how they got so much older so quickly. But.. I love how their personalities have evolved and grown as they are their own little people now (or really, not so little as they are both taller than me). :)
All that said, there is a lot we end up getting into disagreements about - what they want to spend money on, not keeping up with schoolwork, not cleaning their rooms or picking up clothes / bath towels (every. single. day. I might add), the music they want to listen to, running late for school or other commitments (you know, the ones they don’t care about), attitude problems, amongst other things... so if I can avoid saying no to something and causing a disagreement, I try to push myself to say yes, even if at first I may not been too keen on it.
Sometimes the answer initially is “maybe” so I have time to think on it - Does whatever this is have the potential to hurt them or others? Is it an exorbitant amount of money? If an inconvenience, is it really that big of a deal? If the answer is no to those questions, my answer is usually “yes”. Sometimes it is “yes, but”... “you have to clean your room first”, or “you have to finish X school work first”, or “you have to earn half the money”, for example - so at least they can learn from the situation and / or accomplish what needs to get done. Plus, if I say “maybe”, the anticipation of it makes them less likely to ask for 100 other things in the interim.
Are there things to say “no” to? Yes, of course... plenty! I just try not to make it the norm and to ensure I have good rationale for whatever it is.
This parenting stuff is not easy, but is also the most fulfilling part of my life. I realize that the pain and challenges we have been through have only helped us grow and don’t regret any decision made previously, but have learned that if I pause to think about it before reacting, I can tend to be more open to the idea of whatever it is.
In Proverbs 31:26, it says "She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue." This is one of many versus that speak to what it means to be a good mom, and more specifically how to respond when faced with a tough decision or frustrating situation.
I know that I don’t always live up to those standards, but whenever I leave this world, I just want to know I have done everything to be the best mom I can be in God‘s eyes, and in my kid’s eyes.
If saying yes gets me closer to that, then count me in. ❤️
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